Grandpa’s Bumper Sticker

Did you folks see the moon tonight? Full moon, absolutely beautiful. Got me to thinking of the time, I was 16, riding with a couple of friends. We had just left the A & W Drive-in, driving down County Road 242 when we pulled up behind a Studebaker with a Grandpa and Grandma type doing half of the 45 MPH speed limit.

So, what do we do? We pull up along side them in the left lane (no on-coming traffic ahead) I roll down the right-side rear window, Perry rolls down the front passenger window, and FULL ON MOON THIS COUPLE. Grandpa & Grandma glances over, well, Grandma was staring intently probably getting a good look at our junk hanging down, and Grandpa steps on the gas and speeds ahead of us.

So, Billy, driving our vehicle, steps on the gas and catches up with Grandpa’s car. By now, Perry and I have pulled our pants up, and we both have whipped out…..wait for it…..our squeeze bottles of ketchup and mustard that we stole from the A & W. Billy pulls to the left side of the Studebaker, and it’s FIRE AT WILL. Perry and I squirt our ketchup and mustard all over Grandpa’s car.

Billy hung in there along side the Studebaker for a few minutes, speeding up as Grandpa began speeding up. Eventually we are a few hundred yards away, when all of a sudden, here comes the Studebaker. Grandpa is FULL SPEED AHEAD.

Well, guess what, Grandpa pulls to his left, and just as he got along side of Billy’s 1956 Chevy 2-door post with a fuel-injected 409, Grandma’s window rolls down and she, I swear to god, is pointing a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun at us.

Two shots. One at the engine area of our left front fender, which seemed to explode, and one shot at our left rear tire which disintegrated the tire (it was a double-barrel). Our last view of the Studebaker as we began to slow down (due to the hole in Billy’s engine and the lack of a left-front tire), was Grandpa and Grandma, laughing their fucking asses off as they sped away. Moral of the story? I’m really glad she didn’t pull out that shotgun when Perry and I had our two asses hanging out the window. Grandpa’s Studebaker was now a speck in the distance as we stood there, watching Billy’s Chevy now consumed with fire, and then exploding. We didn’t notice Grandpa’s bumper sticker (see image).

I hope you enjoyed this story, inspired by the full moon tonight

Peace & Abide,

Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD, RSISHE

Strain: SOMEGOODSHITFROMMYBACKYARD, harvested April 20th, 2019

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