Debut: “The Unknown Sock Puppet Interviews”, with special guest, Mark Zuckerberg

Monologue (The Unknown Sock Puppet):

Background Music (John Lennon’s “Imagine”)….Applause Applause… Thank you….Thank you…Cheering, Yelling, more Applause…Yes folks, I know, I know..?Thank You Soooooo Much for the Wonderful Welcome…WOW, GREAT AUDIENCE TONIGHT, AS ALWAYS….Must be the wonderfully inviting aroma wafting through the theater, as usual. Ummmmmm, let me see, Yes, I can tell there is a little pot smoking going on in here tonight, (please be careful where you dump the ashes, and use the proper receptacles in each aisle for your leftover roaches). What’s that Strain I smell? Grandmother’s Belly Button Lint?

We have a great show for you tonight folks. We are going to be interviewing one of the youngest billionaires in the world, he’s known as the Founder of Facebook, Mr. Mark Zuckerberg, Applause, more cheering, background music.

Since this is our debut show of “The Unknown Sock Puppet Interviews”, let’s set some very distinct rules and observations. First of all, we will never discriminate….Against ANYONE, PERIOD. So if you were expecting some very far right, or very far left people and views, YOU GOT IT! We will not discriminate against anyone or anything, regardless of Race (or skin color), Religion, or Sexual preference (pitchers, catchers, whips and chains all welcome here).

Everyone here is welcome! And welcome to express your views. We will all be considerate of the other persons views, lifestyle, and feelings. Even if that old dude sitting next to you is attracted to little boys or girls. Agree or disagree with what a person has to say. If you have an issue with something or someone, first hear what he or she has to share. Just so you know. We do compile a list of data that includes address, phone number and employer on everyone who attends our show, or calls in….Just saying, information IS available, posted on our website after each show for those of you that feel an impulse to give that pedophile dude sitting next to you, a Lobotomy with your pocket knife. (laughter), Just kidding folks.

If that person sitting next to you appears to be a Tranny or a televangelist, a White Supremacist, or a Armenian Grandmother, be open and kind, shake hands, give a hug, introduce yourself. If they look like a fascist or racist (how can you tell, Mr. Sock Puppet, you ask?) You can kinda use your best judgment, but again, say hello, shake hands, offer a hug, the Swastika on that dudes forehead may be from a past that he’s desperately trying to forget.

Regardless of who you are, we love you and want you to feel comfortable. How many in the audience here tonight are LGBTQ? Wonderful! If your name happens to be George or whatever, and your date for the evening just raised her hand, SURPRISE, SURPRISE! Well, at least you know now, no guessing.

Speaking of surprises. Have you ever looked at your boss and wondered if he or she was gay? It’s really hard to tell sometimes, except for the Fairies and the Butches. I don’t know how many countless times, as much as I travel, I have sat at a bar flirting with some really great looking babe, only to have her whisper in my ear, “Sorry dude, I’m a Lesbian, I like women”. It’s also disheartening when I see her with some other dude later on, and I get the picture, she’s a hooker, and my money wasn’t good enough.

So your boss might be gay. And the curiosity gets the best of you at the annual Christmas party. You have had a few too many, shared several joints with your friends in the restroom, and you walk up to Mr. Olsen and just blurt it out, “Are you gay?”. First of all, who cares! Why should it matter to you. He hasn’t asked to suck YOUR dick, so leave him alone! If you are that fucking curious, just ask him if he would like to suck your dick! If he is gay, you’ll possibly get a BJ. If he’s not gay, well, let’s just say you apparently left the company, for a better opportunity, even though you were a highly skilled French Fry fryer at your local Burger King.

Let’s face it. Everyone discriminates in some form or another. Our problem in society today is the fact that our bigotry, racism, and discrimination leads to fear, loathing, and downright hatred. Fear of being discovered, fear of the unknown, fear of physical harm, along with raw stupidity in some cases.

You don’t call someone a Faggot in a Gay bar, or tell one of my Billy Bob jokes in a bar full of cowboy hats. “Hey, Billy Bob, I know why your name is engraved on the back of your belt, that’s so the Biker dude can tell who he’s butt fucking after he pulls your pants down”. You really can’t tell that joke in a biker bar either.

So, you suspect that your wife might be a Lesbian, or that your Uncle Bob is gay. So what. I suppose there are politically correct ways to ask questions, in the search for truth, as well as politically incorrect ways.

You can be polite and just ignore the fact that Aunt Suzie rides a Harley, has a “Butch” appearance including the huge leather wallet on a chain shoved in the back pocket of her grungy Levis. Never mind her full sleeve tattoos.  Or you can be a jerk-off and ask her if she eats pussy.

What sounds more politically correct IF you just have to ask…….”Uncle Bob, are you Gay?” or, “Do you like it up the ass, i.e., are you a “Catcher” or a “Pitcher?”

Facebook is the greatest platform for social/media communication and expression known to mankind. There are FB pages and groups for everything. I think it’s a good thing that pedophiles and poop eaters are not the intended participants for this world-wide platform. There are some things that are just too reprehensible.

The people like the KKK and other white supremacy groups are pretty much straight forward and don’t disguise their intentions. They just drive around in their pick-up trucks, spewing hatred and burning crosses on your lawn. Same goes for many religious groups out there that preach “their way, or the highway”. There certainly is enough hatred and bigotry to go around.

Everyone has the opportunity to voice their opinions, their disgust, their shock, their religious beliefs, their happiness, sadness, sympathy, and announcements of births, and deaths, or the fact that they survived Cancer or Divorce. FB has to be a great reference tool for stand-up comics as well.

I do love the diversity with FB. I’m not in total agreement with FB’s automated software, i.e., algorithms that punish members for posting material deemed offensive. It’s interesting to see what accidentally gets by the “system” as they try to protect the consumers, and weed out offensive material, as opposed to being punished for comedy, like my image of Trump with anus lips, which I didn’t think was all that bad compared to some shit I’ve seen on FB.

There are pages and groups for EVERYTHING. If you happen to like dogs, there are many, many different pages and groups. If you have an unusual phobia, like air quality of gas station restrooms, I’m sure there is a page or group for it. Penile dysfunction? Warts on your anus? There are pages for it.

It is a recent estimate that 85% of the global population get their “News” from FB, real and faux.

And that brings us to our guest interview tonight. Let’s everyone give Mr. Mark Zuckerberg, perhaps the youngest Billionaire that I know, a warm welcome. (Applause Applause Applause!)


TUSP: “Welcome to the show, Mr. Zuckerberg, should I continue to call you Mr. Zuckerberg, or can I call you Mark, or the Zuckerdude?”

MZ: “You can call me Mark…or just, your eminence, or “Holy One”, (canned laughter)

TUSP: “Well, that certainly would be an entertaining thought, FB someday becoming some sort of religion. I understand that the number of people that utilize FB on a daily basis HAS surpassed the number of people participating in all of mankind’s various religions. Is that true?”

MZ: “Well, the Vatican has hinted that they want me to consider accepting the position of Vicar of Christ, Holy Father, Bishop of Rome, His Holiness, Supreme Pontiff, Father of Kings, Governor of the World, Successor of St. Peter, Prince of the Church, i.e., Pope Marcus the Second, just saying. (canned laughter)”.

TUSP: “WOW! I’d like to see them squeeze all that on your business card, (canned laughter)”.

MZ: “Or on a license plate”, (more canned laughter).

TUSP: “So, I have a curious question your eminence, do you eat a lot of Chinese food at your house?”. (light chuckles from the audience).

MZ: “Lame, but I’ll answer that one. Although Priscilla is of Chinese origin, she was born and raised in Massachusetts.  We are actually accomplished vegetarians, although I have to admit I like to cheat once in a while and get an occasional Big Mac with Fries and Coke”.

TUSP: “As the founder and CEO  of FB, how often are you actually ON FB, and secondly, do you interact at all with the people of the world, you know, the folks that are on FB every day?”

MZ:  “Excellent question. I would say the average day for me is three solid hours on FB for public communication and recreational purposes. I actually visit your pages and your website three or four times a week. I enjoy and appreciate what you have to say. Throughout the rest of the day however, FB is a valuable tool I use with the day to day operation of the company”.

TUSP: “Thanks so much for your attention to my humble writing at (looking direct into the camera), that’s With regards to FB’S diversity and appeal, did you ever imagine that what started as a college social platform would ever evolve to what it is today?”.

MZ: “No. Never in my wildest imaginations. Along with the positive came the negative however. The groups that would do harm to others, like religious terrorist groups, foreign and domestic are an issue”.

MZ: “It’s getting harder and harder to stop terrorist’s recruitment efforts and communications because they have disguised and codified their messages to the point that you don’t know who they are, and what they are saying. Like an innocent looking message from a little old grandmother to her eight year old grand-daughter. Thanks for watering my Roses this morning Sweetie, and don’t forget to send me a photo of your new Easter dress……could mean, plant that bomb in the garbage can on the corner of 5th and Vineyard Tuesday morning before 10:00AM”.

TUSP: “Back to Religion. It’s known that you were raised in a Jewish household. We have to assume that you never quite got the drift of the God thing, since you eventually self-proclaimed “Atheism” as your belief, or lack there of. Your lovely wife Priscilla, is a devoted Buddhist. Most recently you announced to the world that you were celebrating Christmas. That is a dramatic shift for you”.

MZ: “Yes it’s true that my thoughts about God and faith have evolved. All I can say, is that I’m searching. I’m not sure for what. Because of Priscilla, I am obviously curious about Buddhism. It’s a wonderful religion and philosophy. The Catholics want me for Pope. What can I say. (laughter). For now I am content to have a family, and a life filled with focus, promise and achievement. As long as FB is used for positive, good karma, I will be happy”.

TUSP: “Let’s talk about Karma for a minute”. Since you do follow my blog, you probably have a good idea where my heads at. How we treat our fellow human beings has been, and will continue to be, part of our evolution as a species, do you agree with that statement?”

MZ: Yes

TUSP: “That being our mutual belief, can you spare me a few hundred million dollars or so”. (Audience genuinely laughing). What I mean by that, is can we get the wealthy of the world to shift to real giving? Real giving meaning developing the technology and means to end all wars, to eradicate diseases and suffering of all kinds, to help our species evolve into a more kind, and loving animal”.

MZ: “You’re a Futurist. Yes, I read and tend to agree with you. Technology has always had a part in our evolution to some degree. Religion has always had a part in our evolution”.

TUSP: “Yes, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”.

MZ: “All you have to do is study history, like you have said in your writing, from the first human that picked up a piece of wood as a weapon, to modern day weapons of mass destruction”.

TUSP: “Where do we go from here? We are coming upon a fork in the road of our evolution. Turn right? Turn left? I’m an optimist. I think we will take the correct turn, and our planet will survive”.

TUSP:  “Thank you, your Holiness for visiting with us this evening. I understand that you are scheduled to come back again in the near future to discuss FB’s potential evolution and continued growth as an important part in our progress as human beings”.

MZ: “The pleasure is all mine. I also enjoyed our conversation and look forward to our next visit at my home in Palo Alto. Bring your Q-Stick”.

TUSP: (APPLAUSE, CHEERING). “Tune in next month for our continuing conversation with Mark Zuckerberg, when we will get into more in depth questions with Mark regarding his role at FB, and his perceived role of FB as an agent for positive change in our future world and society”.

Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD: Although much of the preceding was fiction for entertainment purposes, I do believe the fictional parts of the interview with Mark Zuckerberg to be honest and forthright and  just opinions. I believe that all of the fictional, thus, presumed answers and comments by Mr. Zuckerberg are very close to what his real responses will be, except the Pope crap.

The following in Italics is taken in part, from:

I tend to be the optimist in all of this. What is called the “Panglossian” view,  maintains that mankind’s past record of success gives us good grounds for thinking that evolution (whether biological, mimetic, or technological) will continue to lead in desirable directions.

Thanks to our Sponsors for tonight. Don’t forget to order the amazing Sphincterater, right after this brief message”. (cut to toll free number and website for the Sphincterater, the sphincter muscle exerciser)

In the near future, we will have a special guest with us, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Dr. Tyson is an American astrophysicist, cosmologist, author, and science communicator. Since 1996, he has been the Frederick P. Rose Director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth and Space in New York City. You don’t want to miss this one.

We will be discussing “The Emerging Panglossian Culture, The belief and study of a Panglossian Nascentionalist Evolution and the future of a Transculturalism Society”. And…….How technology will continue to impact and influence our evolution as a species. Migration to other planets? Stay tuned.


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