Short Story: “Woodtick”

I was about 4 and a half, maybe 5 years old, and our family was enjoying a week of camping and fishing up in the North Woods in Minnesota. Mom was very diligent about checking me for ticks maybe three or four times a day. She was good at seeking those little buggers out.

One night, just before going to sleep, I walked out of the tent, heading for the campfire where she was sitting with the other adults (three families) who were camping with us. “Mommy, I think I have a tick”, I said to her. She turned towards me as I was walking towards her and said, “Let’s take a look, where is it?”. It’s on my wee-wee I said.

Not wanting to pull my pajama bottoms and underwear down in front of the adults hanging out around our communal campfire, mommy and I walked back to our tent. We had one of those kerosene camping lanterns inside the tent, which she lit.

Pulling my PJ bottoms and underwear down, she spotted that tick right away. It must have recently latched on because it did not appear to be fat from my blood yet. Grabbing a liberal fingerful of Vaseline® Jelly from the jar in our tent, mommy smeared it on and all around the tick. Choke off the oxygen she said, as she had explained many times before.

Sure enough, after waiting for a few minutes, the tick backed out it’s fangs. Mommy gently picked that tick off. The usual end for a tick? Burning by lit cigarette tip. She turned off the camping lantern, kissed me good night and left the tent.

This was the first and last time I had the experience of a “tick” on my “dick”. It was not the first time I experienced erectile functionality. It was the first time I enjoyed a “hard-on” with the addition of Vaseline® Jelly on my penis. Mommy left most of it on my penis, because the tick bite itched.

Well, you guessed it. The spot where the tick had bit me itched, AND I had to rub it. The more I rubbed the itch, the harder I got. You know the “climax” to this short story.

Peace & Abide,

Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD

Strain: Grand-Ma’sBellyButtonLint, harvested October 23rd, 2017

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