I was sitting on the “Toilet” tonight, patiently waiting for my breakfast and my lunch to miraculously re-appear. Anyway, so I was sitting there for a while, and the thought occurred to me, “Why is it that no matter what color the food is that you eat, it all comes out looking like shit? Brown if you are healthy and normal. Eat Strawberries for breakfast(they’re Red), they come out looking like shit. Include a lot of green vegetables, they come out looking like shit. Throw in some Yellow Squash, and some Cherry Pie, comes out looking like shit. Maybe it’s because we mix our food at each meal, steak AND potato, AND gravy, AND corn, AND muffins, AND milk. You get the picture.
Now when you are finished, and you stand up and turn around. Yes, we all have looked at our shit one time or another. The real difference is the way your nose can tell you what you ate all day. Eat a really spicy burrito and tell me that doesn’t smell different from a good steak and baked potato with all the fixin’s. Compare French Food with Chinese. Get a whiff of your child’s diaper after Mom switches from breastfeeding, to formula. The baby crap looks different. Plus it’s a different color! Because all the baby had when their shit didn’t stink was Mother’s Milk! As soon as you switched to “Formula”, the smell was so bad you could hardly stay in the room! I know someone that had a high tolerance for sobriety, and a low tolerance for the smell of anyone else’s poop. She could never be a nurse’s aide in a rest home. She got sick when her father got up in the middle of the night, walked into the closet door, and shit on my son’s bedroom floor. I cleaned that one up.
Funny how we all think our shit doesn’t stink, and all other CRAP known to mankind is unbearable. Think about the last time you went to the bathroom right after your husband has dropped some logs. Did you immediately reach for the spray can of Lysol? Of course you did. I can remember my mother used to light candles in the bathroom. Not for light. I did learn how to light my farts from my step-dad.
A good experiment would be NOT to mix your foods for a week, and change up what you drink for your meals. The first day, eat nothing but Cocktail Shrimp, for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Wash it down with tap water. Smell that and take a snapshot. Second day, eat nothing but Broccoli washed down with Coca-Cola. Take a whiff and a snapshot. Third day, eat nothing but Pepperoni Pizza, washed down with Miller Lite. Sniff that……….and take a snapshot. Fourth day eat nothing but really spicy Burritos washed down with Dos Equis. Get your face right down in the bowl and take in a deep breath, through your nose. Then take a snapshot. Point is, you WILL smell the difference, but it will all still look like the same old SHIT! And, you have the pictures to prove it.
Unfortunately, they haven’t invented a little device to “Catch & Release” odors. You can certainly mix the right chemicals or ingredients together to “make” an odor, like “Mustard Gas” for instance, or an expensive French “Eau de Toilette”. Why do they use “Toilet” in the description of something women dab behind their ears? Anyway, it all looks like shit, but can smell vastly different. No matter if you are a Vegan, or you eat animals carcasses that have been slaughtered and cooked up especially for you. In the end, coming out of your “End”, it will all be the same color, might have a vastly different odor, but same color, “Shit” Brown.
Similar story for farts. How many times has a little old lady sitting next to you in church, told you what she had for breakfast just from the smell? Or, your riding in an elevator with co-workers, someone lets out a big one, and says, “That was the best darn Pizza I’ve had in a long time”. It’s pretty much the same thing with our pets. Except it doesn’t matter what you feed your cat. Cat shit smells way worse than dog shit. You would know this if you’ve ever cleaned out a cat box, and if you have ever had to clean dog shit off your brand new Michael Jordan sneakers. Dog farts can also be devastating, and clear out the dining room on Thanksgiving Day.
Cow shit versus horse shit, there is a difference. Yes, I actually have picked up cow manure (they are called Cow Pies because of the shape) and held it to my nose. Well, actually it was a neighbor kid that held me down when I was five and shoved the cow shit in my face. That’s where the phrase came from, my mother saying, “Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face”. When I was a little kid, every four years, in sync with the Olympics, I would throw hardened cow pies like a discus thrower. The cow pies were round, that’s good, but they were light, mostly straw mixed in with their shit. You were good if you could throw one fifteen feet. After a long day at the Olympics, as I walked in the house, mother would say, “You’ve been playing with the cow shit again, haven’t you”? Mom eventually bought me a real genuine discus, which was made from this really heavy black rubber. Harder than the rubber of a car tire, and much too heavy for me to throw more than seven feet or so. And, yes, strictly out of curiosity, I also have smelled horse shit up close. That was after I fell off one time. For that matter, who here has never stuck their finger up their ass, pulled out what ever dose the good lord intended, and wiped it on someone else? You didn’t do it for the color. You did it for the stink!
This has all come to mind because for two years or so, my shit was collected in a little bag hanging off of my abdomen. Which I had to dump and change on it’s time-table, i.e., your “Hole” in your stomach has no sphincter muscle. You can’t say to your stoma, “I’ll just wait until I get home to crap”. I also had what’s called a peri-stomal hernia the size of a football. A few months ago, the wonderful Surgeons at the Mayo Clinic and all their Assisting Staff, reversed the ostomy, hooked my anus backup, and repaired my hernia. I was extremely concerned that I was never going to come out of the surgery alive. Not that I’m going to shout it from the rooftops, I can say, “I LIVED TO POOP AGAIN”!
I didn’t realize how much I missed pooping until that first really good Betty. I felt like a proud three year old, finally potty trained, “Look it Mommy, I Pooped!” I hope that those of you that have a similar medical situation, will understand the humor, and if you are able to, seek out the corrective surgery like I did. It has changed my life dramatically.
No herbal assistance tonight folks
Except for the post-publish editing, one time, twice, three different times, okay, four different times, lost count, 12?
Strains: Grandpa’s Anus #4, Harvest Date: January 15, 2016 mixed with a little Vampire Batshit, Harvest Date: March 5, 2016
We sometimes think it is hopeless and against all odds, but hey, we are part of the 99% against the 1% that currently have absolute control. We can and shall overcome the odds, but only if we truly ORGANIZE. Otherwise, we are all just as a “Single Fly, Farting in the Wind”. Some thoughts on possible miracles/solutions can be found on the following GOFUNDME page. If you have questions, suggestions, comments, etcetera, again, please feel free to contact me. You can contact me by farcecrap PM, send me an email or fill out the contact form below.
For my faithful readers that are aware that I’m finally working on “The Dead Armadillo” story, like say, a Producer, or a Director, or a Screenwriter or someone or a company that desires to option my novel, you can contact me at any time, night or day. If you are a one of those faithful readers that wish to read and follow my progress as I work on this novel, I will be posting updates as a PDF file on every new post on this website/blog. Here’s the latest of “The Dead Armadillo”
For those of you that would care to get involved with me on this project, as I intend to hire a professional screenwriter at some point, and produce a feature film, I have recently been approved for a KICKSTARTER campaign where you can contribute. Here is the link to the KICKSTARTER campaign.
Peace & Abide, La paz y la morada, السلام والالتزام , שלום ושמירה, Paix et Demeure, Խաղաղությունը եւ մնալը, Мир и пребывание,, 平和と遵守, 和平與恪守, Aştî û Abad, صلح و عبید, Fred och Abide, Kapayapaan at Patuloy, Frieden und Bleiben, Mir i Ostanite, शांति और निवास, Hòa bình và ở lại, Мир и Абиде, שלום און בלייַבן, สันติภาพและการปฏิบัติ, Mir in bivanje,
Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD, RSISHE
Some immediate needs. On a volunteer basis for now, we need a WEBMASTER who can work on the ITAD-NAO website, we need a person skilled in “Crowd-Funding” and “Director of Charitable Giving”, we need an attorney to help in the legal matters for ITAD_NAO, including setting us up as a tax-exempt “Church”, we need a Certified CPA to insure the financial integrity of the ITAD-NAO organization, we need a “Chief of Security”, we need a film-maker, first for YouTube, eventually for larger platforms, plus a few other positions. We believe that somewhere down the road, a Billionaire will step up to the plate and write a check for $50 Million or so, which will turn those volunteer positions into paid positions.
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