Hugh Hefner’s Bathrobe

After the christening of THE UNKNOWN SOCK PUPPET, (you know, my 3,678-foot super-yacht with Drone Launcher, Torpedo Tubes, Sushi Bar, Bowling Alley, Craft Beer Brewery and Wine Cellar) I had a small private party the day before the public viewing event with all the media showing up and such.

When I say private, it was about thirty friends and family, mostly friends.

When the deckhands (former MMA Fighters) lowered the main elevators to dock level, the first to arrive to greet me was my two kids, my grandson, and my son-in-law, my ex-wife and mother of our two children, and three of my closest friends.

I had just been in my rear deck “Olympic-Sized” swimming pool, so, I had on my Hugh Hefner Luxurious Bath Robe, you know, the kind that five-star hotels give to each guest that stays in the Presidential Suite. No, you can’t find them on Amazon. And no, I’m not going to advertise the particular hotel in NYC.

Anyway, there I was greeting the first to board in my bathrobe that once belonged to Hugh Hefner. Everyone else was all tuxedoed out. My daughter was wearing a great Giorgio Armani dress.

Everyone was carrying or towing a suitcase for the three day cruise off the Southern California coast.

First half hour in the rear-deck pool was with my three closest friends and my family.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, this is all about my Hugh Hefner Bath Robe.

My baby brother Andy said, “I LOVE that bathrobe of yours. It’s mine when you die, hahahaha”.

Right after my brother said that, my close friend and Yacht Architect Woody whispered something in Andy’s ear, and I couldn’t quite hear what he said.

As the seven of us were enjoying our time in the pool, drinking my Ensenada Sunrise cocktail that I invented, sun bathing, etcetera, it  sure was nice to reflect on my bizarre yet average life I’ve lived so far. Nice for me, and nice for my guests.

From picking cotton in Mississippi to the success I’ve reached and enjoyed.

Of course, all seven of my dearest had heard my stories hundreds of times before. Hahahaha!

Even twenty years ago at my beach pad, either Tommy or Tara would say whenever we were on my patio having a party, “Dad. Come on. We’ve heard this one a thousand times“.

I don’t blame the kids. They’ve been exposed to my schtick all their lives. My friends? A few years.

I guess you might say that with longevity in life comes a little or a lot of wisdom, depending on the circumstances and subject matter. Sometimes no wisdom at all. It’s up to the individual listener to make that assessment, not me.

Back to my one-of-a-kind Presidential Suite Hugh Hefner Bathrobe. My brother would have been in on it but he wasn’t at the gathering of close friends when they all chipped in to purchase my famous robe from a museum in New York City.

He DID chip in $50,000 towards the $385,000 price tag however. Everyone else knew the secret about the robe.

Just before the rest of my friends were allowed to come on board, us five dudes were sitting in the main jacuzzi hitting on the poolside Hookah. The girls were in the gymnasium.

I asked my brother what Woody had whispered in his ear earlier when he had swooned on my robe. Today was the first day that I actually wore it.

He looked at Woody, looked at me and broke out laughing so hard I thought he was going to have a stroke. Woody whispered two words, “Cum Stains”.

He says, “Everyone else knew. There’s a LOT more to Hefner’s robe than one would imagine”. I said, “Tell us Woody, I’m anxious to hear all about it”.

Woody: “Hugh had quite a night one night, and that robe you’ve been wearing has no less than six events documented chemically, you know, that CSI-Miami shit”. There WAS full disclosure on your robe.

Woody continued. “Number One: Of course, lipstick on the collar. All different sizes of lips and different colors/shades.

Number Two: The brown strip of stain where the ass would be in the robe. Looks like SOMEONE had the shits.

Number Three: Cum stains. Only the stains were on the back of the robe about butt height. And this WAS Hugh Hefner’s robe.

Number Four: All the evidence splashed on the front of the robe that can now only be detected by UV light. Even after a thorough dry cleaning”.

It looked brand new when they all had presented it to me at last night’s party at Spagos. We all laughed. Andrew still admires my robe.

This essay was brought to you by those wonderfully visionaries at IRTHKOIN. The Evolutionary Crypto-Currency coming soon to your laptop, computer, and cellphone, stay tuned for news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Peace & Abide, La paz y la morada, السلام والالتزام , שלום ושמירה, Paix et Demeure, Խաղաղությունը եւ մնալը, Мир и пребывание,, 平和と遵守, 和平與恪守, Aştî û Abad, صلح و عبید, Fred och Abide, Kapayapaan at Patuloy, Frieden und Bleiben, Mir i Ostanite, शांति और निवास, Hòa bình và ở lại, Мир и Абиде, שלום און בלייַבן, สันติภาพและการปฏิบัติ, Mir in bivanje,