THE GREAT UNKNOWN SOCK PUPPET INTERVIEWS “BIG FOOT”

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

So, Mr. BIG FOOT THE BIKER DUDE, sir, how did you get the name “Big Foot” the Biker Dude?

Big foot the Biker Dude

I’m often confused with that sasquatch fellow because of my extremely hairy body, but not mistaken for that “I’m going to stick my BIG FOOT up your ass” dude that wants to meet you in the alley behind the bar. (canned  ewwws & ahhhs as he puts his right foot up on the desk).

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

Well, you certainly do have a lot of body hair. Your facial hair is so thick I can barely see your eyes. (canned laughter). No offense, but that’s a huge foot you have there. What size boot is that, and how did your feet get so big?

Big foot the Biker Dude

My right foot is a size 32W, and my left foot is slightly larger, size 34W. I came out of my mother’s womb with these feet. She had to have a Cesarean of course. They all thought my mother was having triplets, until they saw my feet. (canned chuckles from audience).

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

I noticed when we met before the show, you’re a tall dude. How tall are you?…..Six-foot nine I bet….

Big foot the Biker Dude

I’m exactly six-foot eleven and 7/8″ tall

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

Wow! Seven foot tall!!

Big foot the Biker Dude

I said……….I’m exactly six-foot eleven and 7/8″ tall…(Grimacing stare)

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

A little self-conscious about your heighth? I’d be more self-conscious about your huge fucking feet if I were you. How about your weight? I’m guessing 280 pounds.

Big foot the Biker Dude

I’m right at 299 and 3/4 pounds, I lost a pound or two in jail last week.

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

Three hundred pounds! Wow! Well, I certainly would not want to run into you and your fatso girlfriend in a dark alley (canned laughter). (a menacing look from Big Foot the Biker Dude as the audience is laughing).

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

Back to the incident the other night behind Billybob’s Bar and Grill in Simi Valley, California. Is violence necessary just because someone made an off-color remark to your 400 pound significant other? All the poor chap said was that it looked like her bra straps were potentially cutting off the blood supply to her brain. (canned laughter).

Big foot the Biker Dude

I’m actually a Vegan.

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

What the fuck does that have to do with literally beating the crap out of that elderly gentleman in the wheelchair the other night?

Big foot the Biker Dude

I like squash. I like to squash my opponents balls with my big left foot. I also really love cauliflower. I love to put my opponent in a head-lock so tight, it gives him “cauliflower ears”.

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

So you’re a Vegan. Anything else we need to know about you before we go to a commercial break?

Big foot the Biker Dude

I leave next week for the Minnesota Viking’s Training Camp. I can kick a football 83 yards on average. My longest punt was just shy of a hundred yards.

The Great Unknown Sock Puppet

Wow! That is amazing. Well, good luck to you Mr. Big Foot the Biker Dude, and thank you for coming on our show, “THE GREAT UNKNOWN SOCK  PUPPET INTERVIEWS”……(canned applause).

 

Now for all the manly men watching tonight’s show. Is your skin rough, scaly, and/or chapped? The answer is…..“EASEECUM”. EASEECUM will turn your rough, scaly arms and legs into skin so soft and smooth, you will think you are feeling a baby’s butt”, (canned applause, fade to commercial).

 

 

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