I woke up this morning with a slightly elevated sense of satisfaction. Did I accomplish something unusually gratifying in the past few days, like having an uncontrolled ejaculation whilst achieving a hole in one on the Par 3, eighth hole at the Masters? No. Did I win the lottery? No, I’m still the same retired dude trying to survive on Social Security, and fighting the battle in my mind, like so many people with mental issues are doing. From the moment I woke up, I have had the feeling or sense that my life is worthy, and that I AM on the right track, at this time in my life., setting goals (however small or large they may be), and accomplishing them on a regular basis.
As a reminder, for those that follow my blog, I have had three strokes, the last one a Duesenberg, in July of 2015. I started writing and posting my blog in January 2016. I have repeatedly recommended “writing” as a therapy for depression, PTSD, Bi-Polar issues, and other debilitating conditions that hamper or decrease a persons overall well-being and feelings of self-worth, or lack there of.
Just like a really good bowel movement can sometimes feel very satisfying, what we accomplish in life, big or small, can give us a positive feeling about our lives. I once wrote (prestroke), “My life hasn’t been all THAT incredible……..except for all the INCREDIBLE things that HAVE happened in my life” – Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD
Why do I sometimes feel wonderful after taking a good crap? Four years ago, I suffered from a rather nasty case of Diverticulitis, which resulted in my having to undergo an Ostomy. I lived with that “Shit Bag” attached to my stomach for over two years. Almost died! Talk about depressing! Add that physical disability to any form of depression……IT STINKS, literally, ask the people behind me in line at the grocery store. Ostomy farts are the funniest however. So when the wonderful doctors at the MAYO Clinic in Phoenix reversed the Ostomy, i.e., reattached my anus, I felt wonderful, so taking a really good dump is exhilarating for me sometimes.
Depression related procrastination isn’t really procrastination. It’s being so fucking depressed, you just don’t feel like doing ANYTHING…..at all. Except to eat, sleep, and have a good bowel movement. I can sometimes go weeks on end doing absolutely NOTHING. It’s not normal, or healthy, I know. So when I actually wake up the next day feeling better, or good, or great, I tend to psychoanalyze myself to try to determine what the trigger was for this positive mental change.
This time, it was actually going grocery shopping and some banking. I was very low on essentials, like food. After putting away all the groceries, I started writing an article for my blogs and for Facecrap. This article, can be viewed at:
https://tcsblog.net/2018/04/23/sicario/
Whatever your passion is, write about it. It exercises your brain, and obviously for me, is a wonderful therapy. You can live a better life. It doesn’t mean the Governor just granted you a Pardon. But understanding depression and it’s triggers is a Reprieve. Even if you are desperately counting down the seconds in your life, like a condemned person waiting for the executioner to pull the “switch”, with time ticking away, pick up a writing tablet and pen or pencil. Write about anything, write the next Great American Novel. Write about childhood memories. Write about your passion. It works for me, I got a reprieve. I know the battle isn’t over, but I’m taking the initiative to deal with things.
There is no “magic” pill (although Mary-Jane helps tremendously). Set goals and reach for them. There is time, use it to your benefit instead of sleeping all day, or staring at the boob-tube all day.
Oh yeah, one other thing. I have totally ridden my lifestyle of drinking ANY alcoholic beverages. I’m hooked on water. Try it.
Peace & abide,
Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD
Strain: Grand-Ma’sBellyButtonLint, harvested October 23rd, 2017
For those of you that have enjoyed reading my posts and pages, and would like to make a small donation in support of my writing efforts and intentions, I have now set up a PayPal account for you to contribute $1 or so, or you can send some Cannabis, homemade Venison Jerky or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups , your donation is 100% tax deductible.
