Halloween around 8:35 in the evening, let’s just say, you do NOT want to bring your children to my particular neighborhood for free candy and shit. I hear a faint little knock on my door, and what seems to be little children sounding voices. So thinking to myself, “I can’t just sit here with the “Black Lagoon” playing on the TV, and ignore the little ones outside my door, that not only can hear my TV blaring now, (because I thought by turning the sound up with my remote, I could somehow send a subtle signal to the darling little kids, that although YOU may think of ME as the kindly old man, I’m really saying get the fuckoutahere and go away). Oh and obviously, since in the beginning of this story, my TV sound was low enough for me to also hear the slight knocking, and giggling, i.e., what I thought was a bunch of happy little tykes anxiously awaiting the opening of the door, and all the giving/getting activity that comes with Halloween. From the “Oh look Fred, isn’t this one cute, with her Fairy Princess costume”, as you deposit candy in each little bag………..to the little dude dressed up like a tiny little-handed Donald Trump saying, “I WANT MORE! GIVE ME MORE CANDY!
So……..You can’t hear them now, because you DID turn the volume up on your TV, so you can’t hear if they have turned around and walked the other way, or if they are right now as we speak, planning to TP my front yard and house…………I know they heard me fart a little bit ago, cause they chuckled. So I get up off my sofa, walk to the door, hold my left eye, no, my right eye (cause I’m right-handed?), over the peephole in the door, knowing it’s black out there because you left your porch light………..Wait for it………OFF!
Of course, everyone does that! Even in a good neighborhood. Leaving your porch light off is code for either, “We are all out of candy or, Don’t come to my house cause I absolutely HATE Halloween, and I HATE kids. Third code is thinking that the Johnsons really are not home, so break out the TP.
So you stand there for a moment, trying to listen, since you can’t see, and realize you need to turn the volume OFF, on your 65” TV with awesome surround sound in order to HEAR if the children are still standing in the dark, expecting YOU, the nice old fart to open the door……….Or if it really was some idiot of a parent to even bring their lovely children to a +55 gated retirement community. It’s fucking gated, you moron! Its full of old people that IF they cared that much about Halloween, they would be at their grandchildren’s house for the event, NOT in their little retirement home. Make sense?
Back to the “blind listening” at your peephole. You now are slightly frustrated, and just turn your darn TV off (you still have your remote in your hand). Now in deadly silence, you stand at the door, you’ve backed away ever so slightly, listening………You move your head back up to the peephole, looking, for what? Not sure. Flash of a camera perhaps? Cigarette lighter? At this point, after listening for a few minutes, you slowly crack open your door, opening it ever so slightly, all of a sudden…….children yell out, “Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!!”……..Or……..two dudes on speed, coke, heroin and meth, kick your door open the rest of the way demanding all your money, your weed, and your car keys. Oh yeah, and they are yelling, Trick or Treat! Fuck with us we’ll bash in your fucking head”.
Well, tonight, this Halloween 2016, I didn’t buy any candy for the kids as I really wasn’t believing that a parent, or parents, would bring their children to MY kind of neighborhood, if you know what I mean.
No one busted my door down, and I had a wonderful evening, a few bong hits, texting with my son as he was buying a new car, and writing this essay on my “Halloween” for 2016. I hope you enjoyed reading my little story tonight, and………Wait for it………Vote for me on Election Day!
I’m not Elvis, and I approve this message!
The following is REALLY scary!
We all know what “Branding” is. Coca-Cola, Wheaties, Trump. The use of the name “Kleenex”. Think about politics described as an aircraft, it’s “Left Wing”, “Right Wing”, and both wings are full of gas (shit). I suppose the “Libertarians” are another part of the plane, like the tail-end, the “Green” candidates are like the brakes or whatever. “Redneck Racist Bigots” (and KKK), are another part of the plane, like the toilets (filled with shit). “Black Lives Matter” and ALL groups opposing racial injustice is another section of the plane, like the lighted aisle-ways and overhead storage bins. The average non-prejudiced dudes like myself, we might be the “Fasten Your Seat-belt Signs”…………..
AND for the last eight years, a black dude (Obama) was the first African-American to pilot our plane we call the USA. Obama did a good job piloting our “plane” for the past eight years, in spite of the fact that this plane needed some work done to it to keep it flying. In fact, the last pilot, Bush, left this plane in pretty bad shape.
Folks, more work needs to be done to keep this plane from crashing into the side of some mountain. As a dude who is interested, and concerned about our planet Earth, and the evolution of our species, I hereby ask for your write-in vote on election day. I am confident that I can pilot the USA on to a brighter future for us and future generations.
What is our society coming to that we have a person like Trump as the official Republican nominee for POTUS? And, the polls are so close, it’s crazy. It’s as crazy as me thinking that people are going to “write” my name in on voting day. I can understand why Hillary is running. She’s been a politician most of her life.
The day she left the White House with Bill January 20th, 2001, she said, “One day, someday, this will be my office, and I’ll have my own little Intern under the desk, hahahaha!”…..On the other hand, Trump has been and probably still is, a huge asshole.
You don’t have to be a career politician to run this country! You don’t have to be a television star/businessman to run this country either!
You do have to have “Good” Karma and common sense. ANYONE, I repeat ANYONE, with Good Karma and common sense can gather together a team of like (good karma) people with the right skills to not only run this country, but to also insure that we can, as a species, help the rest of the world strive for peace for all of mankind. Think about it.
SO
VOTE FOR DR.THOMAS CHARLES SAXE for President of the United States of America on Election Day November 8th, 2016.
I guess it’s a little late to donate to Tom’s Presidential Campaign, so please feel free to donate $5 or $10, $50 or more to Tom’s new teeth, 50% of every dollar donated will go to CASS (Central Arizona Shelter Services), or a homeless shelter of your own choosing, and 50% will be donated to the CASS Dental Clinic for the homeless founded by Dr. Kris Volcheck, checks can be mailed to: Tom Saxe, 11411 North 91st Avenue, Lot 180, Peoria, Arizona 85345
You can also donate and get a free T-Shirt (minimum donation $75) at my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pg/TheBlackLagoon1/shop/?rid=209975146079403&rt=6
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