A post for people who have lost memories, forgotten healthy patterns in their life, and things we call, Executive Management Skills, due to a stroke or major brain trauma. EMS, “Executive Management Skills” is a term first used by my shrink during my first session with her. It includes simple things, as well as major things in your life.
Simple things like, vacuuming your carpet, or washing the dishes. If you have had a traumatic brain injury or a stroke, and you are going through the recovery and healing process, and you haven’t seen a shrink, I highly recommend that you give it a whirl. It has had a tremendously positive effect on me as I continue to recover from my stroke (July 2015).
I can say that I have probably needed therapy for years, regardless of having three strokes. At 68 years young, I’m finally seeing a shrink. Good thing. It’s extremely important for you, if you decide to “talk” to a therapist, to find the right kind, and find the therapist that you recognize, is helping you with your issues, whatever those issues might be.
My first “Session” was a huge mistake. The doctor was just a pill pusher, even though he did have a “couch” in his office. I had my suspicions as I sat in the lobby waiting area along with 20 other “patients”. The average “session” seemed to be lasting about two minutes, as “patients” were getting called in to see the “Doctor”, (to get their prescriptions refilled).
When it was my turn, I sat on the couch, and within a minute, the “Doc” was writing me a prescription, explaining, “Oh, I don’t do “Talk” therapy. I’m not here to tell you how crazy you are, but I will give you a prescription for some Valium or Xanax, if you need some”. I said no thanks. I already get my prescriptions from my PCP (Primary Care Physician). I think I was in his office for less than two minutes.
Yes, he was a MD doctor, specializing in psychiatry. He was NOT a therapist (shrink). I looked for two more months to find a therapist that was covered by my Medicare. I am so glad that I found Dr. Pawtucket. Not only is my one hour a week with her covered by my Medicare and supplemental health insurance coverage, she really is helping me.
So, yes, find someone that DOES talk therapy, and you know is helping you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another therapist, i.e., if you just don’t like him or her, seek out or ask for another therapist.
During my first session, Dr. Pawtucket, mentioned that some people DO have strokes in the area of the brain that is responsible for what she called, our EMS, the part of the brain generally known as the decision making portion. In a second I will explain mine.
A little commercial here. For my readers who have PTSD, or have had a major traumatic brain injury or stroke. I DO NOT smoke weed to get “High”, I use Cannabis because it really does have therapeutic qualities and outcome for me.
I had a stroke in late July of 2015. In my MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) results, the good doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix discovered two previously undetected strokes.
Fuck undetected. I remember the second stroke. This discovery was just a month or two PAST the Minnesota Statute of Limitations for that type of medical malpractice lawsuit.
I remember that previous, second stroke, because the emergency room doctor ordered a 
“Cat Scan” (Computed Tomography, fancy x-rays) NOT a MRI. After looking at the results, the doctor discharged me, sending me home, with a “Really Bad Migraine”. Duuuuuuuu! Had they done an MRI, they would have potentially found the “Infarction”, cerebral stroke in other words.
Had they discovered that second stroke, perhaps they would have started me on a regimen of blood thinners or other methods or medicine to prevent the stroke I had last year. Yes, I would have had good cause for a lawsuit against that hospital, and that doctor.
A cerebral infarction is the ischemic kind of stroke due to a disturbance in the blood vessels supplying blood to the brain. It can be atherothrombotic or embolic. Stroke caused by cerebral infarction should be distinguished from two other kinds of stroke: cerebral hemorrhage and subarachnoid hemorrhage. Cerebral infarctions vary in their severity with one third of the cases resulting in death.
Back to my symptoms. For the past couple of months, I have been rediscovering little things, and big things, that the last stroke took from me. Last year, the doctors had suggested that I might experience something much different, but similar to what we all call, depression. This is a much different funk. I still have the traditional depression from time to time, you know, sleeping all day, attending your funk party by yourself.
Political observation for the day: Not all politicians, political parties, political advisers, news pundits, and voters are stupid. On both sides of the fence, you do have some really really smart people. Some even have common sense. The problem is that SOME of these smart ones are driven by really bad karma. Smart people still doing or saying really stupid things because of their bad karma. Which brings the thought, if you are the type of person that dwell in, and constantly dream up conspiracy theories, this election cycle may be ripe for 1963 type of incident. Too bad that we have evolved to this point, but you do have to admit that there are a lot of crazy folks out there that have the capacity to wish bad things upon the “other” candidates. And that is nothing new. People and organizations have been eliminating opposing individuals for thousands of years. I just think the atmosphere stinks right now, in other words, I smell a rat.
So, back to what I lost due to last year’s stroke, and what I am regaining due to talk therapy with my shrink , Cannabis, and…………..Wait for it…………..Writing! I know I’m repeating myself right now, as I have stated this in previous posts. Writing IS therapeutic for me, and can be therapeutic for you as well.
Another commercial: This particular post was inspired directly from today’s therapy session with Dr. Brenda Pawtucket, PhD. (name changed until I get her permission to use her real name).
I admit that I have been suffering from, (confirmed by tests), “Long Term Depression”, and of course, if you keep up with my blog, PTSD. Both of these I have been able to combat in a healthy way, most of my life.
Forgiving my step-father was a major hurdle and a positive influence on my life, and my character, as a member of the human race. Secondly, I reckon that I have been fortunate most of my life that when dealing with my “normal” depression, I haven’t medicated myself, i.e., no illicit drugs.
EXCEPT, there was a period in my life that I admit was an alcoholic haze. No, I wasn’t a medically diagnosed “Alcoholic”. I know what that is because my real father, Harold Saxe, WAS a real alcoholic. He eventually was beat to death by three other bums. Some dispute over a woman.
That drinking period in my life was part of my being “Social”. I drank because everybody else was drinking. I sang because the bar had Karaoke. Hahahahaha. In reality, it was a kind of twisted form of therapy I subconsciously prescribed for my life.
Of course I look back and realize that I was treating my depression with the wrong kind of pill, Booze. Fast forward to today. I love my “Virgin” White Russian concoction, (five foot one, 103 pounds) that I drink. I also had a weird experience with my favorite whiskey, Jameson.
About six months ago, while on my first visit to see the kids after my February surgery, when the glass of Jameson over ice touched my lips, I got extremely ill, almost like an allergic reaction. I have stopped what had been, my occasional drink of hard liquor.
I know sometimes I can get a little long-winded in my posts, so if you are one of those who like my writing, but find it a bit of a chore to read my posts when they are this long, take a break, go Google something else. Take a break, but please come back and finish reading.
For those of you that got this far and you’re thinking, “When the fuck is this asshole going to shut up”, it’s okay, obviously my blog is not for you, so go in peace, abide. No harm, no foul. 
Go read your new issue of “Guns R Us”, or “how to fuck a sheep”. It’s amazing what you can find on the World Wide Web (Internet).
I sought out a therapist first because I recognized that it MIGHT help, and secondly, because my children suggested it. At issue for me? Not your typical depression. Since last year’s stroke, I really became a mess, literally.
Prior to the stroke, I did things that normal people do. I vacuumed the house when it needed it. I kept a tidy, clean kitchen and bathroom, and bedroom, and living room, and office.
In February of this year, while I was in the hospital for the life changing surgery, (you can read about it in previous posts), my daughter hired a HAZMAT crew (house cleaners) to come in and clean my home for me. Whoopee! That’s all I have to say about that, besides thanks to my daughter, her boyfriend, my best pal Phil, and the entire cleaning crew that came in and fixed me up with a clean house.
Here’s my point, prior to last year’s stroke, I kept a fairly clean house, for a bachelor pad. Now, some would say that I just wasn’t motivated to keep my home clean. The issue was that I certainly wasn’t motivated to remove six months worth of trash from the spot next to me on the couch.
Trash you ask? Candy bar wrappers (mostly Reese’s), empty Pringle’s potato chips cans, and every other 
kind of empty snack bags and containers you can think of. Every room in the house was a disaster area. I should have asked for FEMA money.
I did not have this problem prior to my stroke, so if you are experiencing the same kind of issue in your life, it’s not your fault, and YES, you CAN blame it on you stroke, despite what your family may think. Recognizing the cause for your ailment, and it IS an ailment, will help you overcome it.
Now, if you have had a stroke or traumatic brain injury and all of a sudden you have strong urges to fuck your refrigerator, you need a different kind of help. Were Pedophiles heads squeezed to hard coming down the birth canal? They genuinely are crazy fuckers. Who knows, might be something for neurologists to research. I know they have studied the brains of serial killers and crazies, why not take a look at other fucked up brains?
So, besides the issues I have been experiencing, I discovered a few things that in fact, we’re very revealing to me. For instance, instead of keeping my candy and snacks besides me on the couch, a week ago I discovered that if I leave the three bags of Lindor’s Truffles on top of the fridge, they last a lot longer than one or two days. In fact, they lasted 8 days.
Hence the title for this blog post, putting a snack or object out of sight, was to put it out of mind. Putting the Lindor’s on top of the fridge was putting it out of sight, therefore out of mind. When they were watching TV with me, they lasted two days at the most.
Again, prior to my stroke, I ALWAYS left the goodies in the kitchen. Not just IN the kitchen, but in a kitchen cabinet or the refrigerator. Holy discovery! Not only will my snacks last longer, I’ll save money, and MAYBE lose some weight.
Once in a while, I will get a hunger for ice cream. Since the stroke, when I do have my favorite, Tillamook Oregon Strawberry, I have been putting a whole container of raspberries and lately, also cut-up strawberries on top of the ice cream.
Without even thinking about it, when the berries were depleted, and 99% of the time the berries ran out before the ice cream, I would just finish the rest of the ice cream. Nothing wrong with that, eating an entire bowl of ice cream in one sitting, except you might gain weight, quicker.
What did I do before the stroke you are thinking. If there was any ice cream left in the bowl, I put it in the freezer, always. Brainstorm? Nah, I just suddenly got back one of my Executive Management skills. I vacuumed the other day. For me, that was gaining back something my brain had somehow lost.
Some would ask, “Why should I care about you vacuuming your fucking carpet?” My blog’s not for you, sorry. Go buy some new violent video games. Sharing my experience with people is bound to help someone. That’s one of the reasons why I write. To be a help or inspiration to others.
So, as I continue on this journey of rehabilitation, I’m going to continue writing, AND sharing with you. Who knows, maybe I’ll one day have a Nationally Syndicated Radio Talk Show named, “The truth as I know it” or “Talk about it why don’t ya”.
I’m sure as I’m sitting here now, someone out there in Internetland will not only appreciate my posts, but will actually feel the good karma I’m trying to spread. I already have had a few combat veterans write to me and tell me that my blog has had a positive influence on them, so skeptics, go masturbate or whatever.
In other words, here’s my card. “You are NOT a Moon Crater”. Those of you who read my posts on a regular basis will know what I mean by, “Not, a Moon Crater”, Hahahahahahahhaa.
I conclusion, we all know there are a lot of people out there that are NOT “Moon Craters”, of course we know they’re not “Angels” either. And to the Air Force Combat Veteran that I spoke with face to face today, I hope you get something positive from my blog, and thanks again for your service.
One final thought. Writing. I keep harping on, suggesting, writing. Writing can be Religious or Spiritual, like “Now I lay me down to sleep…………”. Writing can be purely entertaining. Think about any book you have read recently that entertained you, (other then a XXX rated book on how to…….Wait for it…………”Raise” Sheep!. Writing can be purely informational, like reading your worn out Wall Street Journal because you really ARE the last person on the totem pole in your office, and management will not approve your WSJ subscription, and you are too fucking cheap to buy your own. So you get to pretend that you are an expert in your field, or a successful stock guru, as the 58th person to get this particular copy. Normal newspapers are both informational, and entertaining. Entertaining because of the cartoon section. Of course the Wall Street Journal ALSO can entertain, without a cartoon section. Your favorite stock just went up a zillion points and you came in your pants. Or you just like jacking off to the fucking Wall Street Journal. How fucking weird is that? Maybe you need to see a therapist Hahahahahahahhahaaa! Last is my kind of writing. My writing contains everything. Spirituality, (abide dude). Entertainment (funny captions?), Information, Yadayadayada. The best thing I feel my writing represents is the desire I have to help others via my writing.
almost forgot:
Strain: Baaaaaaaaa2, great shit, harvested March 10th, 2016
Peace & Abide, La paz y la morada, السلام والالتزام , שלום ושמירה, Paix et Demeure, Խաղաղությունը եւ մնալը, Мир и пребывание,, 平和と遵守, 和平與恪守, Aştî û Abad, صلح و عبید, Fred och Abide, Kapayapaan at Patuloy, Frieden und Bleiben, Mir i Ostanite, शांति और निवास, Hòa bình và ở lại, Мир и Абиде, שלום און בלייַבן, สันติภาพและการปฏิบัติ, Mir in bivanje,
Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD, RSISHE
Some immediate needs. On a volunteer basis for now, we need a WEBMASTER who can work on the ITAD-NAO website, we need a person skilled in “Crowd-Funding” and “Director of Charitable Giving”, we need an attorney to help in the legal matters for ITAD_NAO, including setting us up as a tax-exempt “Church”, we need a Certified CPA to insure the financial integrity of the ITAD-NAO organization, we need a “Chief of Security”, we need a film-maker, first for YouTube, eventually for larger platforms, plus a few other positions. We believe that somewhere down the road, a Billionaire will step up to the plate and write a check for $50 Million or so, which will turn those volunteer positions into paid positions.
And now for an unpaid advertisement:
For my faithful readers that are aware that I’m finally working on “The Dead Armadillo” story, like say, a Producer, or a Director, or a Screenwriter or someone or a company that desires to option my novel, you can contact me at any time, night or day. If you are a one of those faithful readers that wish to read and follow my progress as I work on this novel, I will be posting updates as a PDF file on every new post on this website/blog. Here’s the latest of “The Dead Armadillo”
TheDeadArmadilloManuscript102019
For those of you that would care to get involved with me on this project, as I intend to hire a professional screenwriter at some point, and produce a feature film, I have recently been approved for a KICKSTARTER campaign where you can contribute. Here is the link to the KICKSTARTER campaign.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thedeadarmadillo/the-dead-armadillo
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