POPPED HIS FRICK’N EYEBALL OUT WITH HIS THUMB! OMG!
That’s when I paused the movie and decided to write one of my unique “Film Reviews”….And, I was already into this great film at one hour, one minute, and twenty-nine minutes with 34 minutes and 36 seconds to go.
THAT’S, how much I enjoyed this movie. I wasn’t even thinking about writing a review. BUT, and it’s a BIG BUT, I had smoked a bong-load of my wonderful Oregon Home grown about a hour ago.
So, I paused the film, got up outa my easy chair sitting on the back deck of my 987 foot yacht, named THE UNKNOWN SOCK PUPPET sitting here in the Bay of Fundy, and walked my best buddy Shelton, a West Highland White Terrier over to the “Poop Deck”
Then Shelton and I went to the galley for some munchies and another Coors Light (ask me sometime about my beer “Taste Test” when we were anchored in Cabo San Lucas. I tested six Mexican beers against six European beers against six American beers. Coors Light won)…
I filled up my bong again, took a crap, talked to my son Tommy for a while, and finally sat back down to write this as the Sun was coming up.
I titled this POPPED HIS FRICK’N EYEBALL OUT WITH HIS THUMB! OMG! because up until our hero got the upper “Hand”, or should we say, “Thumb” on the really huge, nasty bad guy, Oleg Jakovenko excellently portrayed by Jess Liaudin, our hero, Alex Tyree, Texas Ranger, (great performance by Thomas Jane) was getting the crap beat outa him. Kudos to the Fight Choreography probably the best fight scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie.
Even after shoving a butcher knife through Oleg’s leg, I really thought that the MI6 Agent, Agent Jennifer Smith was going to wake up from her “nap” and shoot Oleg in the head or something.
She didn’t wake up until after Oleg jumped out the window and escaped.
Imagine how that would hurt, having an eyeball popped out. I think it’s a first as far as movie action/fighting is concerned. That IS a basic concept taught in any martial art, and hand-to-hand combat training (ask this old veteran about it). Excuse me (lots of excuses anyway)…
I forgot to mention the title. ONE RANGER.
Awards time. Five Unknown Sock Puppet Awards out of five for this excellent, very entertaining film.
Five of five Unknown Sock Puppets for everyone involved in making this film. Plus a special honor because I normally award to specific actors, producers etcetera, but this time it’s deserving of my “Special” combination Writer/Director award (written and directed by the same dude) in spite of the lame explosion at one hour, six minutes, and thirty-nine seconds in. The dude was wearing a LOT of explosives. Enough that would make ya think that the entire room was going to be blown up. Including the room our hero was standing in, looking through a glass window with wires. What the Special Effects team gave us looked like a box of 4th of July fireworks accidentally exploded (been there, done that), ask me sometime about 4th of July 1971 in San Pedro, California).
Back to the “Special” award. Your five Unknown Sock Puppets have James Bond 007 shit added to them.
One blows up when you pull on its penis.
One pees on your grandpa’s face when he gets too close.
The third Unknown Sock Puppet is a gun. Shoots a .357 Magnum.
The fourth lets out a gas from the back of the statue that knocks everyone out within fifty feet.
The fifth Unknown Sock Puppet holds a pint of Macallen “The Reach” 81 year old Single Malt Scotch. Congrats to Jesse V. Johnson, who wrote and directed this movie. Congratulations to everyone involved in making this film!
At one hour twenty-two minutes and one second….HOW DOES HE JUST WALK THE FRICK OUT, PAST ALL THE COPS! Great ending scene!
To recap. Great movie! What an excellent movie it turned out to be. Great acting, great directing, great dialogue, great production overall.
I highly recommend this movie! In spite of a few things like the lame fireworks explosion.
Watch it on Amazon Prime (membership required).
Here’s the IMBd link for the full cast and crew: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt23037488/
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Peace & Abide, La paz y la morada, السلام والالتزام , שלום ושמירה, Paix et Demeure, Խաղաղությունը եւ մնալը, Мир и пребывание,, 平和と遵守, 和平與恪守, Aştî û Abad, صلح و عبید, Fred och Abide, Kapayapaan at Patuloy, Frieden und Bleiben, Mir i Ostanite, शांति और निवास, Hòa bình và ở lại, Мир и Абиде, שלום און בלייַבן, สันติภาพและการปฏิบัติ, Mir in bivanje,
Yadhum oore yaavarum kelir, “The World Is One Family”
Dr. T. C. Saxe, DD (Doctor of Dude-Ology), RSISHE
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